Gorton's Fisherman guy on LOST: See this glass house you're living in? How 'bout I get you some stones?
Me: Ooooh, snap!
Bill (after Jack passes that creepy older woman in the hallway): Where did they get a Vulcan?
Me: They picked her out of a plot hole.
Bill: Now THAT'S a snap!
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
Hey, Birthday Boy, where you going??
Bill: Do you like my Hoover flag?
Me: Can I SEE your Hoover flag?
Bill: Oh. I didn't know it was striped!
Me: Can I SEE your Hoover flag?
Bill: Oh. I didn't know it was striped!
Saturday, February 17, 2007
The Package Store
Bill is in line in front of me with a 12-pack of Bass on the counter.
I walk up behind him and sling a large bottle of Jameson on the counter, eying his beer.
I catch his eye and say "pussy".
I walk up behind him and sling a large bottle of Jameson on the counter, eying his beer.
I catch his eye and say "pussy".
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
Fox News
I'm currently watching a 20-police car pursuit of a U-Haul in Hollywood, FL. Fantastic.
Late Breaking News: It's a woman driver.
Late Breaking News: It's a woman driver.
10:30
Freezing rain. The cat is observing the storm. I am doing laundry. Also, I've figured out why the unemployment rate is historically low in our country-because daytime television SUCKS. Jim Cantore just said 'meteorological goulash'. Now I am going to go weep quietly.
The Ice Storm
So, the bender...yeah. That worked out well.
Today, though, is a Snow Day! Well, it's actually more of an ice/sleet/freezing rain day. So while I am normally supposed to be at work, I am at home in my fuzzy slippers, contemplating laundry and ignoring Regis and Kelly.
Right now at Exit 5, I'm reporting light snow mixed with sleet and light gusts.
Updates to follow throughout the day.
Today, though, is a Snow Day! Well, it's actually more of an ice/sleet/freezing rain day. So while I am normally supposed to be at work, I am at home in my fuzzy slippers, contemplating laundry and ignoring Regis and Kelly.
Right now at Exit 5, I'm reporting light snow mixed with sleet and light gusts.
Updates to follow throughout the day.
Wednesday, February 7, 2007
Project time!
As a direct result of an injustice that has been needlessly inflicted upon me, I have decided to stage a peaceful protest. Starting now and ending Sunday, I am going on a Bender. Stay tuned for updates...
Live from Danbury, it's Wednesday night!
Live from Danbury, it's Wednesday night!
Tuesday, February 6, 2007
You can't spell 'scandal' without 'NASA'
You know what would be awesome? If that whole crazy astronaut love triangle was just a publicity stunt to get people to think, "Whoa, man! Astronauts are way crazy!" then go out and spend money on movies like 'The Astronaut Farmer." Shut up, Astronaut Farmer.
Thursday, February 1, 2007
I'm Rick James ______!!!!
amazon, backbiter, battle-ax, biddy, bitch, calumniator, carper, detractor, dragon, fire-eater, fishwife, fury, harpy, harridan, hell cat, hellion, hussy, madcap, muckraker, nag, ogress, old biddy, porcupine, reviler, scold, she-devil, she-wolf, siren, spitfire, termagant, tigress, virago, vituperator, vixen, wench
This week's Thesaurus Thursday was co-blogged by the ever-so-sexy Bill, who chose the word 'bitch' as his overused word of the week.
He also just informed me of the fact that he thought a commercial for Hallmark was supposed to be about pedophiles.
Isn't he the best?
This week's Thesaurus Thursday was co-blogged by the ever-so-sexy Bill, who chose the word 'bitch' as his overused word of the week.
He also just informed me of the fact that he thought a commercial for Hallmark was supposed to be about pedophiles.
Isn't he the best?
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
H&R Mock
Dear H&R Block,
Guys, seriously? If you want me to trust you enough to do my taxes for me, I highly suggest coming up with a more literate ad slogan than "We got people."
It's the English language. I think you're more than capable of mastering an elementary school level of grammar.
So, either change it to "We've got people" or "We got people to call up a CPA to get their taxes done rather than take their chances with tax preparers who probably are unable to read."
Guys, seriously? If you want me to trust you enough to do my taxes for me, I highly suggest coming up with a more literate ad slogan than "We got people."
It's the English language. I think you're more than capable of mastering an elementary school level of grammar.
So, either change it to "We've got people" or "We got people to call up a CPA to get their taxes done rather than take their chances with tax preparers who probably are unable to read."
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Thursday, January 25, 2007
Thesaurus Thursday
For almost a year now, I've noticed an overabundance of the word 'amazing'. And it is truly beginning to piss me off. No, the treats I made were NOT amazing. They were Rice Krispies treats decorated with frosting, for Christ's sake. And if that honestly stops you in wonder, man, you need a HOBBY. The excellent Roget's New Millennium Thesaurus offers up the following as alternatives.
anomalous, astonishing, astounding, awesome, extraordinary, fabulous, fantasmo, far out, freakish, gas, heavy, incredible, inexplicable, magical, marvelous, monstrous, numinous, phenomenal, preternatural, prodigious, spectacular, staggering, strange, stupefying, stupendous, superhuman, superior, supermundane, supernatural, supranatural, thaumaturgic, the utmost, too much, unaccountable, unbelievable, unearthly, unimaginable, unreal, wonderworking, wondrousaces, astonishing, astounding, bang-up, best, breathtaking, cool, crack, dilly, doozie, extravagant, fab, fantastic, fictitious, first class, gone, greatest, groovy, immense, in spades, inconceivable, incredible, legendary, marvelous, mind-blowing, out-of-this-world, outrageous, peachy, phenomenal, primo, prodigious, rad, remarkable, spectacular, striking, stupendous, super, superb, terrific, top drawer, tops, turn-on, unbelievable, unreal, wicked, wondrous
Which raises the question for me, as a New Englander: whatever happened to 'wicked'??
anomalous, astonishing, astounding, awesome, extraordinary, fabulous, fantasmo, far out, freakish, gas, heavy, incredible, inexplicable, magical, marvelous, monstrous, numinous, phenomenal, preternatural, prodigious, spectacular, staggering, strange, stupefying, stupendous, superhuman, superior, supermundane, supernatural, supranatural, thaumaturgic, the utmost, too much, unaccountable, unbelievable, unearthly, unimaginable, unreal, wonderworking, wondrousaces, astonishing, astounding, bang-up, best, breathtaking, cool, crack, dilly, doozie, extravagant, fab, fantastic, fictitious, first class, gone, greatest, groovy, immense, in spades, inconceivable, incredible, legendary, marvelous, mind-blowing, out-of-this-world, outrageous, peachy, phenomenal, primo, prodigious, rad, remarkable, spectacular, striking, stupendous, super, superb, terrific, top drawer, tops, turn-on, unbelievable, unreal, wicked, wondrous
Which raises the question for me, as a New Englander: whatever happened to 'wicked'??
Me, too.
So, the other morning I'm having a smoke with one of my co-workers and I'm telling him about a commercial I saw earlier that morning. The funniest one I have seen in quite a while, and while the humor admittedly is kind of cheap, the tagline describes me to a 'T'. Aforementioned co-worker sent me a link to the commercial this morning.
Click here to be infinitely amused
And with that, Happy Thursday!
Click here to be infinitely amused
And with that, Happy Thursday!
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
Hello, World!
After a long break from writing, I've decided to scrap my old journal and start fresh here. A warm welcome to anyone that found me here from my former writing spot. I am looking forward to writing again and hope you all enjoy!
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