LOST at Exit 5

Gorton's Fisherman guy on LOST: See this glass house you're living in? How 'bout I get you some stones?
Me: Ooooh, snap!
Bill (after Jack passes that creepy older woman in the hallway): Where did they get a Vulcan?
Me: They picked her out of a plot hole.
Bill: Now THAT'S a snap!

Life Lesson #1

Be convenient.

Hey, Birthday Boy, where you going??

Bill: Do you like my Hoover flag?
Me: Can I SEE your Hoover flag?
Bill: Oh. I didn't know it was striped!

The Package Store

Bill is in line in front of me with a 12-pack of Bass on the counter.
I walk up behind him and sling a large bottle of Jameson on the counter, eying his beer.

I catch his eye and say "pussy".

Awww,,,

My Daddy just called me to tell me he loves me and wish me a happy Valentine's Day.

Fox News

I'm currently watching a 20-police car pursuit of a U-Haul in Hollywood, FL. Fantastic.
Late Breaking News: It's a woman driver.

10:30

Freezing rain. The cat is observing the storm. I am doing laundry. Also, I've figured out why the unemployment rate is historically low in our country-because daytime television SUCKS. Jim Cantore just said 'meteorological goulash'. Now I am going to go weep quietly.